Wednesday 10th March 2010

STUFF

March 25, 2007

My horrible burger restaurant

you may click the pic to see an enlarged version

This latest work depicts a scene from the fake Burger King in a motorway service station I once worked at. Currently I am trying to make the burger bar INTERACTIVE using Flash. The Burger Bar was in a brand new motorway service station of the future staffed by the surliest indolent youth Oxfordshire had to offer. The atmosphere was a little like that of a badly run prison, where the warders were only just in control of the prisoners. It got so bad that the following rules were issued. I kept one of the least defaced ones. Apologies for the tiny size.

burger bar stupid rules

Recently I saw three films on DVD that I didn’t bother going to the cinema for because I thought they looked a bit crap. Imagine my surprise when the films in question all turned out NOT to be crap!

Layer Cake
Imdb link
Dir: Matthew Vaughn
Date: 2004
Length: 105min

Layer Cake

Layer Cake has been out for ages now, I don’t know why I never saw it. I suppose it’s main importance as a film is as a pre Bond Daniel Craig reference point. I had only ever seen him in Munich where he was an angry South African Mossad version of Bond, in Layer Cake he is Bond like but also does his Daniel Craig thing as well. This film is also of note as it’s the only thing I have seen Sienna Miller in. In the last few years of Sienna Miller press coverage I have constantly been left thinking ‘who the fuck is this person?’. Now it appears she’s famous because she’s in this for 5 minutes.
It’s the cast of Layer Cake that makes this film so enjoyable, it has a thrilling plot and loads of violence too, but its great to see Dexter Fletcher get some work. And Colm Meaney is really good in it, acting his heart out as if to make up for all those years of standing next to a transporter console. And of course Michael Gambon’s there too, like an evil Dumbledore. My only complaints are too much voice over and crap very end. With this film I had a Chinese from Headington’s excellent ‘Yumi’. Score: 7/10

The Departed
Imdb link
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Date: 2006
Length: 151min

the departed

The Departed got 4 Oscars so finally it was time to see it. I didn’t bother in the past due to the presence of Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon. The all star cast is made up from nearly everyone in the Team America Federation of Actors Guild (F.A.G.). Although you’d have to swap Sean Penn with Ray Winston (which is an interesting concept in itself). Anyway this film is a proper Scorsese effort nearly getting up there with Goodfellas on many occasions. DiCaprio and Damon turn out to be quite bearable. Jack Nicholson also does an amazing impression of a rat in it. In fact everyone in this film is good, but you actually forget about the actors and Scorsese due to the super tense Cops and Robbers plot.

Its an epic weighing in at two and a half hours but I experienced no arse numbness and bearly noticed the passage of time, which is an essential quality in the long ones. I was dissapointed when I found out it was a remake of Asian movie ‘Infernal Affairs’ which I subsequently had a look at the other day. But I think ‘The Departed’ is a worthy re-working of the story and I certainly found it easier to follow, so I don’t think its was a lesser rip off. Worth seeing for Ray Winston’s death scene alone. With this film I had greek style lamb. Score: 8/10

Little Miss Sunshine
Imdb link

Dir: Jonathan Dayton
Valerie Faris
Date: 2006
Length: 101 min

Little Miss Sunshine

Unlike the previous two films Little Miss Sunshine is not a hardcore tense ultra violent gangster film with sex and drugs – one of the reasons I didn’t bother with it in the cinema. I thought it was some rubbish Rom-Com with Jennifer Aniston in it. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Little Miss Sunshine is actually a very funny road movie featuring a totally dysfunctional family on their way to a beauty pageant for little kids. The humour is pretty dark at times, but very well balanced with the emotional moments of the film. The sentimentality never vears into mawkish over the top nausea that so many American comedies can. Little Miss Sunshine’s cast was excellent once again, I am a fan of Steve Carell which is what persuaded me to watch the film in the first place. And this film got two Oscars, so it must have done something right!. With this I had Roquefort Steak and roast potatoes with mange tout (Rodney). Score: 7.9/10

March 19, 2007

mY jOBS wEBCOMIC Hospital Cleaner

The web comic hasn’t been produced as quickly as I would have liked, but I am sure I will gain momentum. Next: Burgers!

March 13, 2007

Bernard Matthews - Arch Poisoner

39.jpeg

Shiptonblogs green credentials took a major leap forward today as I got a rant read out on Matthew Bannister’s phone in on 5live this morning.The morning phone in is the rantie-est programme around and I often listen to it, and find myself firing off emails as I disagree with whatever nutter, politco or so-called expert has to say. And recently I have had some success getting them actually read out!
So when I heard the trail for today’s show was going to be on the environment and carbon trading and the governments lame ideas I prepared a little rant and fired it off. Imagine my surprise when it was the FIRST email read out to open the show!! Success!! So for your listen pleasure you can download the Mp3 I cunningly made.

Lo Pan

Here is American Maxims’ top twenty worst films list as voted for by their moronic humorless scumbag readership. I find it hard to describe my shock, horror and outrage that BTILC has been made No.1 in this list.

  1. Big Trouble in Little China: This film is wicked and I won’t hear a bad word against it.
  2. Porky’s: shit
  3. Showgirls: you get to see the annoying one from Saved by the Bell in the buff, just turn the sound off.
  4. Dolemite: never seen it.
  5. Dead Alive (Braindead): Peter Jacksons first film. It’s great!
  6. Billy Madison. Nope, never seen it.
  7. The Island of Dr. Moreau: I didn’t think this was that bad actually. I always find Val Kilmer interesting to watch ‘cos he’s such a wierdo.
  8. Commando: This film is quality through and through…’BENNET’
  9. Missing in Action: Guns don’t kill people, Chuck Norris kills people.
  10. Best of the Best: Dunno.
  11. The Toxic Avenger: Apparently Tromo are legendary, never seen it but Fangoria used to go on about how great it was all the time.
  12. Starship Troopers: This film is immense, pure entertainment all the way through, Verhoven at his psycho best.
  13. Boondock Saints: no idea
  14. Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins: nope.
  15. They Live: John Carpenter cannot go wrong!
  16. Tango & Cash: Used to be on Channel 5 every week, complete with prison bit and an over the top robo gun car at the end.
  17. Over the Top: Stallone Arm Wrestling.
  18. Hot Dog…The Movie! : dunno,
  19. Hard Target: Certainly one of Van Damme’s best, with Lance Henrikson in it too. Jean Claude has made far shitter films than this.
  20. The Beastmaster: Haven’t seen it, but it’s supposed to be on a par with Krull, which always gives me a migraine if I try to watch it.

I find it hard to believe American Maxim readers find enough time between watching Bergman and Almodovar to select these films. Big Trouble in Little China is an awesome film and anyone who doesn’t like it deserves to be sent to the Hell of the Boiling Oil never to return.

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